1. Gasp! Oil has hit a new record price per barrel causing gas prices to rise. This story inevitably shows a shot of a gas station’s prices and includes an interview with someone who is angry that it is costing them $80 to fill up.
2. The housing market is in the biggest slump since the year XXXX (the year changes daily) and foreclosures are at an all time high. This story comes complete with a cheesy graph next to the news anchor’s head with a big red arrow pointing up or down (depending on which angle they take).
3. Food prices continue to rise (see #1), making grocery shopping even MORE enjoyable.
4. The polar ice caps are melting at an alarming rate and we are all going to die because of our wicked materialistic ways. My favorite is when they show parts of the world that are going to be submersed under water—peace out Manhattan!
5. Don’t eat tomatoes because you might die. And no, the FDA still has not figured out this whole situation so I am once again reminded that I am stuck eating sub-par sandwiches.
6. Obama attacks McCain on X and McCain attacks Obama on Y. Blah blah blah. The news is not a good place to learn about the candidates—there is always an agenda. Dan Rather anyone?
7. Earthquakes, floods and fires are seemingly wiping out the human race.
I’m sure there are many more sunshine-filled stories I’m neglecting to mention, but you get the idea! I guess I'll go start building my bunker now.