I took the kids to what we call "open gym" on Friday and the lady checking us in asked me, "When are you due?" I told her, and then she asked if I was having a boy or girl. Knowing I already have two boys, when I told her it was a boy, she immediately said to me in a voice of pity, "Oh, are you sad?"
Hmmm. How to answer this.
As politely as I could I said, "Absolutely not."
I know she didn't mean any harm, and it is a question I get a lot, but here are the thoughts running through my mind:
No. I am not sad. Not one tiny little bit. I feel like the luckiest person in the world to be carrying a baby, boy or girl. I would have loved either. I am amazed when I sit and think about the fact that I am going to have THREE children when there was a time not that long ago when I wasn't sure I would even have one. I feel lucky that I didn't have to stick needles into my stomach and butt everyday and take hormones and pay thousands of dollars to try to get pregnant. I feel lucky to have a family when there are so many people out there who would do anything to have one.
I wanted to tell her my boys have brought me more joy and purpose than anything in this world. That their smiles, laughs, and funny things they do and say make every day worth living. That being a mother to them is the hardest thing I have ever done, but by far the most rewarding. That because they are boys doesn't mean I am missing out.
Maybe we don't have dance lessons, or hair bows, or princess dresses, but we do have sports, wrestling, mud, and super heroes-- and those things are pretty great too. I can do their hair in less than 2 minutes, and truthfully, I've never been great at hair or makeup. I may not have a daughter to teach how to cook, but I have sons who love to eat and love hanging out with me in the kitchen (especially when cookies are involved.)
I wanted to tell her that when my boys kiss me goodnight and tell me things like they "love me to the planet Pluto" it melts my heart and I can't imagine anything better. That my boys give the best hugs and kisses and little boys need snuggling and kisses on ouchies, too.
I don't know if a little girl is in our future or not. That's not really up to me.
But I can tell you this-- No. I am not sad.
I am thrilled.